After a lot of thought, I realised I should probably cut all cords with this guy as I was falling for him. I felt awful and didn’t really want to do this, but it was for the best. I didn’t say anything more to him; I’d smile at him in corridors, nothing more than that. He never asked why we stopped talking; I think he thought it was because of my boyfriend though. It felt like a piece of me was missing. I felt lost. I was empty inside.

Happy never-ending

Attending a party with my boyfriend, lo and behold, who should show up? Of course he had to be there with all my other closest mates.

As the night went on, most people were dancing, drinking, and having the time of their lives. I, however, was trying to find my difficult to deal with boyfriend. I gave up on him and did my own thing. People were dropping off to sleep as fast as the speed of light towards the end of the night. I was still wide awake; I set off to find him. I went into the kitchen and he was there. Girls chatting him up and flirting, he looked over to me and smiled.

I sat down at the dining table to join them. After a few drinks, he and I had a proper chat again, like we did before. My mood instantly changed after we started talking. It’s like nothing had changed between us.

Summer goodbyes

Summer was looking bright and cheerful, until one day. (This day was the worst of them all.) I was going on holiday with my boyfriend and his family.  We were about to leave, but then he pulled me aside and said he had something to tell me. He told me to sit down. My heart was beating so fast you probably could’ve seen it come out of my chest. I had a gut feeling I knew what he was going to say. “I cheated.” Just the words I thought were going to come out of his mouth. I wasn’t shocked; this was the second time he had done it. Tears came flooding, I had been shut down. Was I not good enough?

Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. I broke up with him there and then. He said nothing, not even an apology. The only thing he said to me was, “I thought about you the whole time.” I thought I was going to throw up. I phoned my mum to pick me up; she didn’t ask why, she knew already. I had no one.

Bring it back 

Summer was soon coming to an end.

Feeling down, I was just scrolling through my phone as bored as someone waiting for an Ipswich bus to turn up, wondering whether it actually will or whether they’re just wasting their time. Surfing through all the types of social media: Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram etc. I receive a random snapchat from him. Him, with the gorgeous red beard and sweet-smelling scent. It was only a snapchat sent out to everybody about his car. Disappointing. I replied anyway and asked how he was.

A week later we met up on the 11^thSeptember, seven months later than our first outing/date; we went on our first ‘official date’. It was as if nothing had even changed since we last started talking. We were the best of friends again. I had him back. Did he ever really leave?

Breakups hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t respect and appreciate you is a gain, not a loss. Never lose yourself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you. One sided expectations can mentally destroy you. Don’t change so others will like you, be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

Two years later, and him and I are still together, and we couldn’t be happier. I’ve never been happier. Those feelings that came back never went away.

True love has a habit of coming back.