God’s perspective

Personally, I am an atheist, but I was asked to write a piece on what god would want to say to us if we did believe. This may help you decide if you should believe in a god or not.

You asked for strength, I gave you difficulties to make you strong.

You asked for wisdom, I gave you problems to solve.

You asked for courage, I gave you dangers to overcome.

You asked for love, I gave you a heart.

I gave you nothing you wanted; you received everything you needed.

I have answered your prayers.

 

I gave you a brain for knowledge, you invented crime.

I gave you hands, you created weapons.

I gave you fresh air, you pollute it.

I gave you healthy lungs, you destroy them with smoke.

I gave you clean water, yet you don’t share.

I gave you everything you needed; you did what you wanted.

Answer your own prayers.

 

I gave you peace. You chose war.

 

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Summer blues

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Who else is missing summer?

With all this rain and wind and cold days and nights, has got me missing summer. And the fact that it’s my favourite time of year. Who doesn’t love lounging around in your garden in the sun?

Everyone’s happier, their mood matches the weather. You don’t have to wear 1000 layers of clothing. You get a tan. Now some say that I am addicted to sunbathing so I can get a tan… I don’t disagree. You can eat ice lollies! You also get to wear suncream – I love the smell of it as it reminds me of the time I went to America as a kid.

Summer is definitely the best time of year, it’s stress free, relaxing, everyone’s off from school/college/uni, endless barbecues, outdoor activities and more.

Sometimes when I sunbathe, I get a bit carried away… Enjoy this photograph of my siblings and I back in 2015. Take an educated guess as to who I am?

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#mentalhealthawareness

The blade is cold,

But not old

 

I didn’t go deep

I didn’t even weep

 

Just one cut is all I need

And my mind goes calm, while my cut bleeds.

 

It was harmless but helped so much

I stopped being mad and such

 

No more angry thoughts went through my mind

Just fascination, everything else left behind.

 

I can finally breathe

My demon is at ease,

 

Is it too late for me?

I thought I was getting better, but I only pretended to be.

 

The cut now stains my arm

Nothing big, nothing to cause much harm

 

A cat scratch is what I’ll say

But I doubt people will see any day,

 

I’m a lost soul on this land

My mind’s drifting, my body sinking in sand

 

Maybe I’m only meant to be there for others

Don’t the daughters learn from their mothers?

 

Only my mother does not know me.

She only sees who she wants to see,

 

There’s no way her sweet child

Cut her arm to keep her mind from going wild,

 

Does she realise her actions affect me so?

That sometimes she causes me to hit my low?

 

Oh well. My name does not matter, it’s the story my friend

The one with a strong beginning, unclear middle, but no end.

 

It’s a screwed-up world even a blind man could see

That to fake happiness you have to be who others expect you to be.

Top 10 Disney films

Celebrating Mickey Mouse’s 90th birthday for the other day, I decided to try and pick my favourite Disney films. This was probably the most difficult thing I have put myself through as I am a HUGE Disney lover. I had some help from my younger sister and we have been trying to make this list for the past two days. I have left out Disney Pixar, as I will make another list of my favourites.

(Just some old pics of some of my family and I with the famous characters.)
  1. Lilo and Stitch – all time favourite of mine.
  2. Mulan – ‘I’ll Make A Man Out Of You’ is one of the BEST songs.
  3. The Little Mermaid – I used to have a wig of hers.
  4. The Lion King – Did you know this film is inspired by Hamlet?
  5. Frozen – I had an obsession with this for 3 years…
  6. Moana – I watched this over and over and over.
  7. Oliver and Company – why does the poodle do exercises?
  8. The Black Cauldron – okay what was that dog thing in it?
  9. Pocahontas – When I was a kid I thought my hair looked like hers in the wind.
  10. Aladdin – Jasmine’s clothes were to die for.
  11. Peter Pan – who hasn’t ever wanted to fly?
  12. Beauty and the Beast – The beast is better looking than the real him.
  13. Dumbo – Elephants are my favourite animals.
  14. Hercules – I love the sass of the singers
  15. Bambi – when his mum dies 😦
  16. Treasure Planet – I love the little pink blob.
  17. Chicken Little – I had no idea this was Disney.
  18. Wreck-It Ralph – I want to see number 2 already.
  19. Brother Bear – the old woman makes me cringe when she says ‘beauty’
  20. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh – one of my favourites as a kid.
  21. Fantasia – can’t remember much, but still remember that it was awesome.

Okay you’re probably wondering why I’ve listed 20 films here. Basically, I couldn’t choose a top 10…and I sort of still can’t. ALL Disney films are amazing and that’s why they should all be listed. However, that’ll be a very long list.

Each film can be your favourite at different times depending on your mood. Although Lilo and Stitch will probably always be my go-to film.

Lest we forget

What do you know about Remembrance Day?

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Here’s what I know:

This year celebrates the 100th anniversary since the war finished in 1918.

It’s always celebrated on a Sunday, closest to the 11th.

There’s a 2 minute silence to honour the soldiers, held at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, marking the end of the First World War.

The poppy symbolises a memorial to those who died in World War I.

It is also known as Armistice Day.

For the Fallen – Laurence Binyon

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

That’s life.

Is that what you do all day?

Sit their drinking your life away.

An abuser,

That’s what you do to her.

You work hard and earn money,

Spend it on drink, you think it’s funny?

A beater,

And probably a cheater.

You’re not lazy, I’ll give you that.

But most of the time you’re just a fucking twat.

A drunkard,

That’s what everyone’s said.

What happened to acting like a dad?

You don’t even try; you’re just sad.

An alcoholic,

You couldn’t give two bollocks.

Constant stench of smoke and beer,

Your children and wife full of fear.

Homemade burgers/meatballs

  1. Chop onions and garlic, as much or as little as you want.
  2. Add it to a mince-mix. I chose the 20 percent fat one because I think it has more flavour.
  3. Mix it all together, using your hands is easier, and add one whisked egg to it (this makes the ingredients stick together).
  4. Whilst mixing, season your meat-mix, with anything you like. I used salt, pepper and cumin. I didn’t have many spices with me unfortunately. But don’t be afraid to experiment.
  5. Separate your mixture into balls, and really compress them so they don’t come apart when you cook them…I’ve done that a few too many times. (If you want to make meatballs, then skip to number 7.) Also you can make them as big or as small as you please, within reason of course.
  6. Now flatten the mix in a rounded shape, not too thick if not it’ll take ages to cook all the way through.
  7. Once you’re pleased with the shape, fry them in a pan until cooked. It shouldn’t take longer than 20 minutes, if it does you’ve done them too thick.
  8. Now enjoy your food with any sides of your choice. 🙂

What is home?

Home is where the heart is.” Is it?

What does the word ‘home’ mean to me? To those who know me? Those I don’t know? And those who have the power to deny my family a home?

In December 2017, my family and I were stripped of our home. We were told we’re to be made homeless, with nowhere to go. With Christmas right around the corner, we weren’t planning on having one this year. Why? Wait until you hear this…

My older sister, Chloe, had finished college that year which meant my Mum had to change our ‘circumstances’ for benefits. She didn’t know this at the time. The way she found out that she had to ‘change circumstances’ was when we received a letter from our Landlord giving us a date to move out by. The 10thDecember. We were heartbroken. No warning letter or email? Nothing.

Something similar to this happened to us before. In April 2014, we were settled in an old cottage – we had lived there for almost seven years and just finished decorating the whole house – new carpets, new coats of paint – you name it, it was totally refurbished.

A housing inspection was coming up and it was the nicest it had ever looked. It looked so nice that our Landlord’s daughter wanted to live there. We were given a notice to move out within three months. We hadn’t done anything wrong; the law is the law. We managed to find somewhere that accepted us, two days before the moving date.

Straight after receiving the letter to move out by the 10th, we sent off all evidence to show that Chloe had finished college and that I was still in education. As well as my Mum studying in University. We sent off evidence to show that circumstances had changed. We did as we were told.

What happened next? We were given the option to be split as a family in two different bed and breakfasts because there were too many of us for the same room. It’s better than being on the streets – that was the other option, but still not ideal. Can you imagine the impact of this on our family? What if it were yours? It was as if the world in front of us ruptured in two.

On top of this news there were ridiculous curfews which meant we had to be out by half eight in the morning, and we weren’t allowed back until half six in the evening. Our home was no longer our home; we were bounded by the narrow fences of life. We aren’t the only ones to go through this, thousands of families have gone through similar situations and it is still happening.

Who is the heart of the home? My mum is the pillar of strength whilst being physically weakened by MS (Multiple Sclerosis) – she was diagnosed in 2014 – which meant she needed somewhere to stay warm and somewhere to sleep when she was tired. With the stressful events going on, this caused her to have a relapse.

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(me left, my mum, my older sister)

A relapse is where she progressively gets worse, so she is more ill than usual. Her vision became blurry, her legs were throbbing, her head pounding, hands shaking, back tingling, always sleeping, unable to stop; stop all the agony that they had caused. It was painful to see the power people had over my family, and families all over the country.

The last time she was like this was when she lost her best friend to cancer. Heather had been there for our family for so many years through all our difficult times but in 2015 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She beat it quite quickly which everyone was overjoyed with. However, it wasn’t over.

She was diagnosed again a year later with four weeks left to live – the cancer had spread. We took in her four children – the youngest was three – for six weeks as their dad had died two years previous to that (also from cancer) – until their Auntie dropped everything to live with them. Their family were coming apart at the seams, but we stitched them back together as best we could – like Heather had done many times for us.

My Mum was in contact with our Landlord’s agency. They were texting back and forth trying to figure out what had happened. They said they couldn’t do anything so as a ‘nice gesture’ she gave us a little longer and pushed the date to the 16th December. Right before Christmas. When it’s even more difficult to be rehoused. Brilliant. Thanks for that.

To top it all off, the Council claimed that we had made ourselves purposely homeless, so they had no right to house us in a Council house, or a bed and breakfast. WHAT? WHO MAKES THEMSELVES DELIBERATELY HOMELESS? We were a family picnicking on train tracks. The potential for disaster hadn’t stopped hurtling towards us.

My younger brother had not long started high school; he was petrified about what bus he was going to have to go on; my younger sister was doing her GCSE’s and that alone was stressful enough; my older brother and sister didn’t want to be torn apart from the family in a different part of town: the ‘rough’ side. As for me? I was studying A levels; I had to put a pause on that. I had to do something. Anything. As long as I tried.

On the 13th December, my Mum and I went to visit a house in Erwarton (a very small village in the middle of nowhere); not getting our hopes up because we never got accepted just like that. (The last time we moved to a new house we were turned down by sixty-eight Landlords. Sixty-eight bruises to our confidence, our sense of wellbeing; our hearts. Just because there’s five of us kids, we’re on benefits and my Mum is a single parent.)

My Mum kicked my Dad out in 2011 for drinking too much. He was an alcoholic who couldn’t change his ways – he didn’t want to change his ways. He lives with the bottle, that’s the way it is. Over the years, beer after beer, he drunk more till he became ill. His body’s too old for working; he looked fagged and sallow – like his future. Though he does still work, works hard too when he wants to, but is always in agony. His joints stiffened more each night he drunk his life away. We tried everything to help him, but he didn’t believe he had a problem with it. He traded everything for suffering. Eventually, Mum gave him an ultimatum: ‘me and the kids, or your drink.’

If you hadn’t guessed, he chose the drink.

After being diagnosed with a long-term illness, losing a best friend, a husband and father to her children, a home, all we wanted was some peace and happiness in our lives. For something to go right, just once.

After all this, here we were: looking around the immense rooms, we fell in love. The garden was large – big enough for a family our size. It had three large bedrooms, a quaint livingroom and plenty of cupboard space. In the peaceful countryside like our cottage, it seemed like faith bringing us back. And it had banisters up the stairs (we had asked our Landlord for these for three years to help my Mum, but he said they look ugly). It was perfect! But did the Landlady think we were perfect for the house?

“You can have the keys this Friday.” The best Christmas present we could have ever asked for. Relief washed over us; the battle wasn’t over yet. Could we get the council on our side to pay for a deposit? Or to continue paying rent? Could we do so much in so little time? We had one day to tell our current Landlord. Two days to sort the Council out. Three days to move out of the old house.

16th December rolled around quickly. After being up all night and day, packing and unpacking, at 12:00pm, we handed the keys over to our Landlord, for the Landlord to then question why we were leaving. Are you confused? We were too. ‘It was all just a threat, so the Council would continue paying the rest of the rent.’ They couldn’t have sent a text or email to say that’s what they were planning? Instead they said nothing except that we had to move out.

All of a sudden, they changed their minds, probably because they would now be missing out on money coming in and no one would want to move in. Why? The house had many flaws that the Landlord claimed that he couldn’t afford. For instance, we had no bathroom for six months, no cooker tops the whole time we lived there, an electrical fire in the livingroom because of dodgy electrics. The house was dissolving like some unsubstantial vision faded.

“Home is where life happens.”

And now we are blessed with this view in the evenings (when I’m not at uni)…

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The spirit: 3/3

Steadily the sun started sinking into space. The day slipped away out from sight.

The school bus pulled up across the road from Maisie’s house; Maisie steps out with a young man four years older than she is. He had dark hair, with glasses – almost nerdy, but strong. He took a cigarette out of his jacket and lit it. Offering it to Maisie, Maisie’s mum yelled, standing in the doorway of the house.

“Don’t you dare, young lady. I’ve had it with you! Get inside this house, now!”

Maisie took a drag of the cigarette, out of spite, and kissed the young man goodbye. Aggressively, Maisie stormed up to the house with her mum giving her the ‘You’re in trouble and you know it’ look. She pushed past violently and stomped up to her room. Maisie kicked her door shut, escaping from reality. She threw herself on her bed and texts the young man: ‘Pick me up at ten tonight.’ Waiting for a reply, the window swung open and there it was. The spirit illuminated from the window drawing nearer.

“Where do you think you’re going? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do. You can’t just come home from school, after you’ve been expelled, and not expect me to discuss it with you. Maisie! Stop ignoring me! I can’t go through this again.” She wept again as if her heart might break. She walked up the stairs, stopping outside Maisie’s room. She knocked gently.

“It wasn’t a dream. You were real!”

Confused, Maisie’s mum opened the door. She saw the radiant shadow. She was stunned like an ecstasy had taken over her mind like an unexpected and poignant thought.

“Mum.”

 

I hope you enjoyed the story, now here’s a video I’m sure 98 percent of you have seen…